Saturday, September 12, 2009

HypnoTherapy - Session 2

My 2nd hypno-fertility session was life changing. Lynsi discovered something about me that no one else ever has. My hypno recording contained a lot of visualization. She had me visualizing the transfer, the positive pg test, the growing belly, the delivery, our baby. I could picture what she was describing, but it didn't seem real to me. I couldn't connect with it and it didn't trigger any emotion towards it. I found myself frustrated that I couldn't grasp on and experience what was being described. There seemed to be a disconnect somewhere.

I discussed this with Lynsi. I told her that I was struggling envisioning holding my baby and how I was unable to trick my mind into believing it. She ran me through a few tests. She asked me to close my eyes, visualize myself sitting in my living room and describe it to her. I did but not without asking what she wanted to know about it. She said whatever I was experiencing. I described what's in my living room. She then asked if I was experiencing it, or if I was just telling her what I know about it. It was the latter of the two. She then did the standard you're at the beach, with white sand and the blue ocean, etc. I could picture the beach, but I couldn't experience it, it didn't relax me because I couldn't put myself there.

There are 3 types of learning styles. Visual learners watch and learn. Auditory learners listen and learn. Kinesthetic learners do and learn. Visual people would be able to visualize that beach and start to feel relaxed as if they were really there. Their mind is capable of experiencing what they see. Their body is able to react to their visual experience.

She discovered that I'm a kinesthetic learner; I learn by experience, hands-on, doing the activity myself. My brain processes info in a logical manner. I'm very factual and analytical. I deal in reality and struggle with imaginary. I'm very tactile. I learn through concrete, physical objects. I have to literally be at the beach, or at least have been to that beach and experienced it in real life, to experience it.

We discussed left brain, right brain dominance. I compiled a list of the attributes. Which are you?

Left BrainRight Brain
uses logicuses feeling
detail oriented"big picture" oriented
facts ruleimagination rules
words and languagesymbols and images
present and pastpresent and future
math and sciencephilosophy and religion
can comprehendcan "get it" (i.e. meaning)
order/pattern perceptionspatial perception
knows object nameknows object function
reality basedfantasy based
forms strategiespresents possibilities
saferisk taking

I'm nearly 100% left brain dominant. When I knock on the right side of my head, it sounds quite hollow.  Kerry is right brain dominant.

This session has been a real eye opener. While Kerry and I have a great relationship, I believe there's always room for improvement in any relationship. We communicate more effectively now because we understand how the other processes info. As an example, I want details and he wants summary.

I say this session was life changing because certain difficult/frustrating things in my life now make sense, which means I can now do something about them.

The biggest frustration I had was why faith is so difficult for me. To give you a little history; I was not raised in church. I grew up really not knowing anything about God. To tell you the truth, I was quite the potty-mouthed wild-child. I moved to TN at 27. My first group of girl-friends were so different from me and all my friends back in IA. They were so friendly, selfless, full of love, so at peace with their lives. I loved hanging out with them. I didn't know what it was, but there was something about those people that I wanted. I soon started attending church with them. It was very strange to me at first and sometimes freaked me out. I felt completely out of place, but over time and after finding the right church, I started to really enjoy it.

That was 9 yrs ago. My family and friends tell me that I'm a completely different person, I guess now a clean-mouthed mild-child. So why am I so frustrated then? Because after 9 yrs, I still don't fully grasp it, no matter how hard I try, I just don't. It seems that every Christian has a personal relationship with God but me. I consistently see new believers "get it" and they are on fire for God. Where's my fire? How does it come so easily to them in such a short amount of time?

After my sesssion with Lynsi, it all makes sense now. My brain doesn't know how to experience God as a reality because I can't see, hear, or touch Him. They say we are comprised of a mind, body and spirit. I seem to lack the ability to interact with my spirit bit. While I believe in God and I believe that someday I will have a child, neither seem "real" to me because I haven't experienced them in a kinesthetic way. But now that we understand how I learn, I can now let go of that frustration and work on finding a way that I can process this.

Lynsi's 2nd hypno recording works on strengthening the right side of my brain. In addition to visualization, she has included interaction.  Just as one example, she has me visualizing a control box with different buttons and knobs that adjust my hormone levels, stress levels, lining thickness, etc. I use my hands to adjust anything needing adjusting.

In regards to me not being able to visualize/experience holding my baby, I joked to Lynsi that I was about to go buy a doll. She said that was an excellent idea and really believed it would help since I need something tangible before I can experience it. So off to Target we went. On the way there, I was envisioning being put in the looney bin, but if this can help remove even a little of the trauma that infertility has placed on my subconscious, then it's worth it. As soon as we got to the baby doll aisle, I was overwhelmed. These things eat, drink, burb, snore, cry, poop, pee and fart!!! I said rather loudly in a crowded store, "did that thing just fart???". Kerry said, can you say that any louder? We were laughing so hard trying to pick one out. There were these motion sensored ones that cried when you walked by them. I was at the opposite end of the aisle when I heard Kerry "shhhh... it's ok baby, don't cry". I turned around and found my 6'5 husband with a baby doll over his shoulder, patting its back. I laughed so hysterically that I nearly melted to the ground. I finally picked out our "baby" and headed home.

I want to say that I have an incredible husband. He could have very easily made fun of me and made me feel even more of an idiot than I already did. But nope, he did just the opposite. He encouraged me as he was willing to do anything to help me through this. He even held the "baby" for a little bit so I didn't feel alone in this experiment. For the first time, I was able to visualize him holding our baby (after laughing my butt off) and what an awesome sight that was.

Is it working? Let's just say it's still a work in progress that is going in the right direction. I believe it will take some hard work to strengthen my right side, but I'm dedicated to making it happen. I really need another hypno session, but finances are a little tight right now.

I now see why Kerry is the less stressed out one in this journey.  While he's out having fun in the park, I'm stuck in a cubicle.

If you made it this far, you rock! I'd be thrilled if you could humor me and answer the following questions. I'm curious to see if there's a common pattern. Feel free to comment as anonymous.

Are you left or right brain dominant?

A.  Left
B.  Right

When you visualize the beach, can you actually experience it?

A. No, I can "picture" it, but I don't actually experience it.
B. Yes, I can visualize and experience it, I find it relaxing.

Does believing in God come to you easily or is it difficult to comprehend?

A.  Whether I believe in God or not, I find it difficult to comprehend.
B.  Whether I believe in God or not, I find it easy to comprehend.

I'm curious to see if everyone falls into an AAA or BBB category. 

I'm clearly an AAA, ie Anal Actuality Analyzer, and Kerry is a BBB, ie Beautiful Beach Believer.  Lucky Seven is an AA, rut-roh, looks like we're going to have a little mini-Jill.

I'm anxious to meet an ABB, do you exist?  What's your secret???


  1. I need to schedule an appointment with Lynsi! I can completely see you and Kerry shopping for baby and you laughing hysterically! I'm a ABB. I don't know what the secret is. I just think I'm weird. My left dominated brain doesn't get my right dominated brain, so I end up questioning my intuition a lot. Remember my story about having two waking premonitions about my car accident? The premonitions are right brain. My left brain totally poo-pooed it, so I didn't take it seriously. Sometimes, I feel schizophrenic!!

    Anyways, I'm glad you posted this. I really have been thinking about doing some sessions with Lynsi because I can't get the trauma of IF out of my head! I'm hoping this will allow me to hope again!

  2. Wow, Jill, this whole post is fascinating to read! Good for you for making such discoveries about yourself and your journey.

    Like Phoebe, I consider myself an ABB person too. Analytical, organized, and anal to the core even working as an enginerd. I can picture the beach and take myself there, but have trouble "staying" there... Maybe the God concept is easier to understand because it is something I have always been brought up with knowing.

    I relate to Phoebe's premonitions so much. There are so many things I have always "felt" before they happened and it is how I always know that no matter how "bad" it gets everything will work out in the end. I see beginnings and ends, but struggle through the path and question myself to the point of feeling crazy.

    Great post, Jill.

  3. Guess by reading this it was educational for me too. I have determined that I'm right brain dominant. While can both visualize and experience the beach based on location, I can still do this without getting in the car and traveling. I like to do this in the chiropractors office. As I've gotten older there are times that thoughts creep in as to if its really possible for there to be this all knowing power for everyone? But immediately, I'm reminded of all the times in my life of good and bad, and good that has come from the bad that all relate to scripture, and that puts me a peace again.

    I guess the BBB runs in the family.

    I'm glad you have made this discovery, and that you are on your way with building on it. If I can do anything, let me know.
    P.S. I cracked up about the doll, but I did the same with my pregnancy with Ryan to prepare the cats. :)

  4. Sorry. I am not the myth. Another AAA here. My husband is also AAA, so we are quite the pair. There is too much logic and rationalization in this household.

  5. This is one of your BEST posts yet in my opinion (and they've ALL been good)....very informative and really makes you "think".

    Here are my answers:

    Are you left or right brain dominant? BOTH (I know it's bizarre but I really have about half and half from each side)

    A. Left
    B. Right

    When you visualize the beach, can you actually experience it? A

    A. No, I can "picture" it, but I don't actually experience it.
    B. Yes, I can visualize and experience it, I find it relaxing.


    A. Whether I believe in God or not, I find it difficult to comprehend.
    B. Whether I believe in God or not, I find it easy to comprehend.

  6. I"m pretty much an AAA person, although visualization doesn't come that hard for me, but I almost always visualize or add details of somewhere I've actually been. So I've experienced the exact beach you ask me to visualize, and it is relaxing. And I suck at math, much more language oriented, and am good at understanding/reading emotions of others, so I guess that's a bit right-brained. But analytical, oh yeah. Organized, goal-oriented, anal? Yup.

    If you like this concept, you'd love the Myers-Briggs. It's a psychological test that breaks personality down into 4 polarized traits, and everybody falls somewhere on the grid. Really helpful for understanding yourself, but also how others interact with the world differently than you might.

  7. Hey Jill! I LOVED your blog...I learned a lot of things, guess you can teach an old dog new tricks after all! lol You made me laugh as well as cry-darn you! You also made me think-darn you, times two! But all the same, I am glad you're seeking is not a weakness, it's a strength. And with Kerry supporting and standing beside you, it will all work out! I pray for peace for you soon! Love always and a day...Aunt Kook

    Now for your survey:

    B. Right

    When you visualize the beach, can you actually experience it?

    A. I can "picture" it, but I don't actually experience it. I still find it relaxing!

    B. I believe in God, I find it easy to comprehend.

    I'm anxious to meet an ABB, do you exist? What's your secret???

    Not sure what catagory I fall into, but I believe in God for He is the One who has made it possible to rise above and go on through some of the most difficult times of my life. There is no other explanation for me to have survived thus far and it is very "freeing" to not look any farther for the reasons why I have coped so well because I already know and I am empowered by knowing that God controls my fate if I listen and follow His plan. Peace.

    So whatever catagory that falls under, I'm there!

    have a great day! xoxoxoxoxo

    THE END!

  8. OMG, I can so relate to your post and feeling of not being able to experience it! I had a similar experience w/ a IF coach a few months ago and I was so pissed that I could not "feel" it - I could picture what she asked, but when she asked how does it feel, what do you feel - I was like 'I don't know' - nothing. Also, I have been struggling with finding my faith the past year (another story - again, I believe, but difficult).

    So...your post makes so much sense! I am def AAA....although, I would consider myself L-brain, I have strived to have more R-brain qualities over the years.

    I am curious, did Lynsi recommend working on R brain things to be more balanced? Is that the goal?

    Thanks for sharing such an insightful experience for you! Great post!

  9. Jill - thanks so much for this post! I have been exchanging emails with Lynsi, and was thinking of asking for a session in the next week or so, and your post has helped me decide to go for it, 100%. I was thinking of starting with one session, but looks like we may need to budget in more! :-)

    Now for the answers:

    Totally left brained (and DH is right brained)
    I can picture the beach, but not experience it.
    I find myself struggling with my relationship with God too - I believe in a higher power, but I'm not able to totally comprehend it.

    So there you go - totally AAA!! I think I need Lynsi! :-)

  10. Great post Jill. I have been a Christian for many years-since I was 7. As a teenager, I never went the "bad" route. I was always thinking.."I don't have a testimony" of how God saved me through this or that. But with infertility, I have found my testimony...crazy as it seems, I love Him more now than before.
    I still struggle with understanding, accepting, not questioning, etc...but that is only natural.
    Praying for you and your FET!!!

  11. Hi there...
    We have discussed this. I too find it hard to visualize things...however, I find it easy to believe in and understand God once it's explained to me.
    I love you as big as the sky and then some.

  12. What an interesting post! I am an ABA person but, honestely, probably more of an AAA - the only difference is that I grew up on the beach. I literally spent every day of my summers growing up on a beach...for that reason, I usually picture a beach when I want to relax, but instead of making it up, it is something that I've really experienced, does that make sense? So, I'm not sure what that means. I did grow up in a church (A LOT). My family was very Roman Catholic and my grandma had me for a couple of years and took me to Legion of Mary meetings...since I've grown, I grew apart and then back and changed religions and am very happy and content now...but I still find it abstract and struggle somewhat...but that is because I am insanely analytical and logical and religion and spirituality will never be either of those things.

    That session sounds great. I'd feel silly buying a doll too -but I'd do it. I was never able to envision it...sometimes I still struggle with it. I think it is a defense mechanism for me since I have been somewhat afraid to allow myself to REALLY envision it b/c I think I'll be more hurt if it doesn't come to pass because envisioning it = feeling it. Not sure. I'm working on it.

  13. One of my classes at ORU required me to take a learning style test. I am a kinestetic learner as well. I only had 2 or 3 towards visual and 1 towards audible. The strange thing is though that the test I took about right brain/left brain said that I am high right brain. So I'm not sure how that works out. I guess I can be a little of both. I can't experience the beach thing either. :P As far as God goes, I think my experience with Him has been more real because of the things I have been through and the many little ways I've seen Him come through for me and speak to me. It may be easier for someone who is right brained to comprehend God, but I would say it is far from impossible for someone who is left brained. I took a short class about hearing God's voice. And the man teaching it was very left brained he said. He would feel the same frusration you described. He continued to pray for God to help him and show him how to hear his voice like everyone else seemed to. God did, and now this man has a whole school dedicated to teaching people the same things God taught him. Anyway, just wanted to encourage you on that subject, because I know what its like to feel like God is 1 million miles away and I know what its like to feel like He is standing right in front of me. Just keep praying, God will show you Himself in a way that is special and just right for you.

  14. Wow Jill, what a post!
    I am a fairly even mix of right brain and left brain, and I'm a lefty so I expect to be more right brain. I'm a BB for the rest. I can comprehend God and feel the most able to comprehend and connect when in nature or witnessing something beautiful, but I'll readily admit the relationship has been tough given these past years with IF and all the crap with my Dad.

    Keep on keeping on!

  15. Hey Jill...what a great post!! And what a great discovery for you! I like the idea of holding the "baby"...add me to your 'crazy' list but during the IVF process I got a book about how much a mama cows love her baby cow and read it often to help make that "connection".

    Also, to answer your questions...AAA here. I was supposed to use the beach scene to relax during labor but I just couldn't get there!?

    Take care...Smiles, Heidi


Thank you for your comment! Hugs, Kerry and Jill