HypnoTherapy - Session 2

My 2nd hypno-fertility session was life changing. Lynsi discovered something about me that no one else ever has. My hypno recording contained a lot of visualization. She had me visualizing the transfer, the positive pg test, the growing belly, the delivery, our baby. I could picture what she was describing, but it didn't seem real to me. I couldn't connect with it and it didn't trigger any emotion towards it. I found myself frustrated that I couldn't grasp on and experience what was being described. There seemed to be a disconnect somewhere.

I discussed this with Lynsi. I told her that I was struggling envisioning holding my baby and how I was unable to trick my mind into believing it. She ran me through a few tests. She asked me to close my eyes, visualize myself sitting in my living room and describe it to her. I did but not without asking what she wanted to know about it. She said whatever I was experiencing. I described what's in my living room. She then asked if I was experiencing it, or if I was just telling her what I know about it. It was the latter of the two. She then did the standard you're at the beach, with white sand and the blue ocean, etc. I could picture the beach, but I couldn't experience it, it didn't relax me because I couldn't put myself there.

There are 3 types of learning styles. Visual learners watch and learn. Auditory learners listen and learn. Kinesthetic learners do and learn. Visual people would be able to visualize that beach and start to feel relaxed as if they were really there. Their mind is capable of experiencing what they see. Their body is able to react to their visual experience.

She discovered that I'm a kinesthetic learner; I learn by experience, hands-on, doing the activity myself. My brain processes info in a logical manner. I'm very factual and analytical. I deal in reality and struggle with imaginary. I'm very tactile. I learn through concrete, physical objects. I have to literally be at the beach, or at least have been to that beach and experienced it in real life, to experience it.

We discussed left brain, right brain dominance. I compiled a list of the attributes. Which are you?

Left Brain	Right Brain
uses logic	uses feeling
analytical	creative
detail oriented	"big picture" oriented
precise	general
facts rule	imagination rules
literal	figurative
words and language	symbols and images
present and past	present and future
math and science	philosophy and religion
can comprehend	can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
knowing	believes
acknowledges	appreciates
detached	empathetic
order/pattern perception	spatial perception
organized	conceptual
knows object name	knows object function
reality based	fantasy based
forms strategies	presents possibilities
practical	impetuous
safe	risk taking

I'm nearly 100% left brain dominant. When I knock on the right side of my head, it sounds quite hollow.  Kerry is right brain dominant.

This session has been a real eye opener. While Kerry and I have a great relationship, I believe there's always room for improvement in any relationship. We communicate more effectively now because we understand how the other processes info. As an example, I want details and he wants summary.

I say this session was life changing because certain difficult/frustrating things in my life now make sense, which means I can now do something about them.

The biggest frustration I had was why faith is so difficult for me. To give you a little history; I was not raised in church. I grew up really not knowing anything about God. To tell you the truth, I was quite the potty-mouthed wild-child. I moved to TN at 27. My first group of girl-friends were so different from me and all my friends back in IA. They were so friendly, selfless, full of love, so at peace with their lives. I loved hanging out with them. I didn't know what it was, but there was something about those people that I wanted. I soon started attending church with them. It was very strange to me at first and sometimes freaked me out. I felt completely out of place, but over time and after finding the right church, I started to really enjoy it.

That was 9 yrs ago. My family and friends tell me that I'm a completely different person, I guess now a clean-mouthed mild-child. So why am I so frustrated then? Because after 9 yrs, I still don't fully grasp it, no matter how hard I try, I just don't. It seems that every Christian has a personal relationship with God but me. I consistently see new believers "get it" and they are on fire for God. Where's my fire? How does it come so easily to them in such a short amount of time?

After my sesssion with Lynsi, it all makes sense now. My brain doesn't know how to experience God as a reality because I can't see, hear, or touch Him. They say we are comprised of a mind, body and spirit. I seem to lack the ability to interact with my spirit bit. While I believe in God and I believe that someday I will have a child, neither seem "real" to me because I haven't experienced them in a kinesthetic way. But now that we understand how I learn, I can now let go of that frustration and work on finding a way that I can process this.

Lynsi's 2nd hypno recording works on strengthening the right side of my brain. In addition to visualization, she has included interaction.  Just as one example, she has me visualizing a control box with different buttons and knobs that adjust my hormone levels, stress levels, lining thickness, etc. I use my hands to adjust anything needing adjusting.

In regards to me not being able to visualize/experience holding my baby, I joked to Lynsi that I was about to go buy a doll. She said that was an excellent idea and really believed it would help since I need something tangible before I can experience it. So off to Target we went. On the way there, I was envisioning being put in the looney bin, but if this can help remove even a little of the trauma that infertility has placed on my subconscious, then it's worth it. As soon as we got to the baby doll aisle, I was overwhelmed. These things eat, drink, burb, snore, cry, poop, pee and fart!!! I said rather loudly in a crowded store, "did that thing just fart???". Kerry said, can you say that any louder? We were laughing so hard trying to pick one out. There were these motion sensored ones that cried when you walked by them. I was at the opposite end of the aisle when I heard Kerry "shhhh... it's ok baby, don't cry". I turned around and found my 6'5 husband with a baby doll over his shoulder, patting its back. I laughed so hysterically that I nearly melted to the ground. I finally picked out our "baby" and headed home.

I want to say that I have an incredible husband. He could have very easily made fun of me and made me feel even more of an idiot than I already did. But nope, he did just the opposite. He encouraged me as he was willing to do anything to help me through this. He even held the "baby" for a little bit so I didn't feel alone in this experiment. For the first time, I was able to visualize him holding our baby (after laughing my butt off) and what an awesome sight that was.

Is it working? Let's just say it's still a work in progress that is going in the right direction. I believe it will take some hard work to strengthen my right side, but I'm dedicated to making it happen. I really need another hypno session, but finances are a little tight right now.

I now see why Kerry is the less stressed out one in this journey.  While he's out having fun in the park, I'm stuck in a cubicle.

If you made it this far, you rock! I'd be thrilled if you could humor me and answer the following questions. I'm curious to see if there's a common pattern. Feel free to comment as anonymous.

Are you left or right brain dominant?

A.  Left

B.  Right

When you visualize the beach, can you actually experience it?

A. No, I can "picture" it, but I don't actually experience it.

B. Yes, I can visualize and experience it, I find it relaxing.

Does believing in God come to you easily or is it difficult to comprehend?

A.  Whether I believe in God or not, I find it difficult to comprehend.
B.  Whether I believe in God or not, I find it easy to comprehend.

I'm curious to see if everyone falls into an AAA or BBB category. 

I'm clearly an AAA, ie Anal Actuality Analyzer, and Kerry is a BBB, ie Beautiful Beach Believer.  Lucky Seven is an AA, rut-roh, looks like we're going to have a little mini-Jill.

I'm anxious to meet an ABB, do you exist?  What's your secret???