Sunday, March 30, 2008

IVF#1 - Here we come!

Well........................We are going for it this cycle!!!! My fears aren't going to change by waiting a month. I need to get a grip on these nerves, I'm sick to my stomach and can't think straight. It took me 5 hrs to make that phone call to the clinic to to tell them I'm ready. I can't believe I'm starting bcp tomorrow. I never thought I would be taking the pill to get pregnant! But hey, maybe that will work for me because sex sure didn't.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

CD1 - Big Decision

It's cd1 and it's time to make the BIG decision. Do we start the IVF process or wait a month? I have opinions flying in every direction... "Why wait?"... "Why don't you just wait a month or two and maybe you won't even have to do IVF"... Ugh! I don't know what to do!

Kerry was all for delaying it for just one more month and hope that was our month, so I prepared my mind to hold off. Now that cd1 is here and experiencing another negative is fresh, he's changed his mind and is ready to go for it. So now the reality of it is hitting me hard. I'm scared to death, scared of the financial commitment, scared of the long term effects of the drugs, scared of the devastation that will result if this doesn't work, or will it work too good? What to do, what to do... I have 2 days to make my decision because I would need to start bcp on cd3.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Magic 8 Ball

A magic eight ball would have been wonderful! If someone could have told me it would take over 2 yrs, wow, I would have done things sooooo differently, I would have lived life. But it's the trials in life that make you stronger. I think if I would have conceived right away, I wouldn't have appreciated it near as much. My outlook is now so very different. I no longer care about pregnancy symptoms, getting fat, stretch marks, labor pain. Bring it on, I'm ready for all of it. I can't wait to participate in creating a little miracle. Just think, when you're handed that little baby after waiting this long, wow, what a rush that will be. It has also brought me and my husband closer. We can't wait to meet you little one!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

IVF Class

Today we attended our IVF class. Talk about overwhelming! To walk in and see all those syringes was surreal and very scary for someone who is extremely needle phobic. The class was 3 hrs, they went over the entire procedure, how to take the meds and how to give injections. We got to practice on a fake belly. I practiced way more than anyone else in the class because I knew this was it, the next time it would be on me and I wanted to be good at it. The IVF nurses came in and talked to each couple individually about their personal protocol. They chose the Microdose Lupron Flare for me due to my high FSH. They are pulling out the big guns on me and putting me on the max dosage of 600iu/day of FSH. When I'm ready to proceed, I just call the clinic on cd1.

These are all the syringes. All of the lupron/FSH/trigger needles are very small and given in your tummy. The big one at the top is the progesterone in oil shot that is given intramuscularly in your rear by your hubby. NOT looking forward to that one!

Saturday, March 1, 2008


Hello! We're Kerry and Jill and this is our journey through infertility.

A little history...

We met at a swing dance in 2001. Over the next year, we transitioned from friends to dance partners to husband and wife. We married in March 2002. We worked hard and bought our first home in 2003. We played hard and travelled the US swing dancing. We loved deeply and in 2005, the word "baby" found its way into our vocabulary.

Bringing a baby into our family would not be a simple task. Our first step was to call the plumber. In Jan 2006, we travelled to Tucson AZ to the International Center for Vasectomy Reversals. The reversal was performed by Dr. Marks, one of the best in the country. The surgery went perfectly and we left with the words ringing in our ears, "you better start thinking of a name for that baby". I can still remember the excitement and innocense, we were going to have a baby. I remember the naivety that it would happen for us on the first try.

Our dreams were suddenly crushed with the results of Kerry's first semen analysis. Everything was bad; extremely low count (less than a million), very poor motility at 3%, only 1% normal morphology and poor liquification. We were at high risk of him scarring over. As if this wasn't enough, we soon found out that he had developed ASAs (antisperm antibodies). This is a condition that results after sperm has been introduced into the blood stream. The body sees the sperm as foreign and produces antibodies against them. The ASAs bind the sperm together like glue preventing them from swimming. When attached at the head, they also interfere with their ability to penetrate the egg.

Over the next 2 years, we worked diligently trying to salvage this reversal. Kerry has been through the wringer with multiple rounds of prednisone/celebrex, countless semen analysis and a regimen of every supplement known to man to help with male fertility.

In March 2007, we decided to have me checked out as I had never been pregnant before. I endured blood work, a lupron challenge test, u/s, hysteroscopy, sonohysterogram and an endometrial biopsy. I was diagnosed with DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) due to a slightly elevated estradiol level. Everything else looked great. We were told due to male factor and DOR, our only chance was IVF. We refused to believe him and continued trying on our own, believing that God would answer our prayers.

In November 2007, we decided to get a second opinion. I had blood work and a clomid challenge test. Again, I was diagnosed with DOR, this time due to slightly elevated FSH and a failed clomid challenge test. Due to my diagnosis + severe male factor, IVF was recommended. We still weren't ready and continued to try on our own.

In February 2008, we accepted we needed help. We had tried on our own for 2 years. On top of countless prayers, we tried every over the counter assistance there was; preseed, supplements, vitex, fertilitea, mucinex, dong quai, epo, fertileCM, green tea, wheatgrass, baby aspirin, natural progesterone cream, saliva ferning, fertility monitor, conception kit, instead cups, healing services, acupuncture, electro-acup, traditional chinese medicine, opks, charting, diet and yes, we even tried relaxing.

We decided to try IUI first. This was very hard on me as I had to give up on my dream of conceiving naturally with my husband. They put me on clomid and Kerry on prednisone to suppress the ASAs. On my first u/s, I had 3 good sized follicles. We were excited that this could be our golden ticket, that was short lived for about 5 mins. The doctor came in and said we would need to cancel as the clomid had thinned out my lining and accompanied by Kerry's low count, our chances were not good. Again, we were told that IVF was our only option. I was crushed. Kerry said he didn't care about the money, he just wanted to see me holding our baby. He said let's go for it. Oh dear Lord, please help me overcome my extreme needle phobia. He would answer this prayer.

Here we go....