Friday, April 3, 2009
Fruitless in Laguna, Decision Time
We were hoping to bring home a souvenir, ya know that kind that results in 2 lines? Let's just say that I was very fertile in Laguna, there was no stress and timing was perfect. I just knew it was our time. But sadly, it was not. I guess that was pretty naive of me to think that I could actually conceive naturally. Dang hope, always breaking my heart.
Back in December, I had written a post titled "What's Next -Part 1" with the intention of writing part 2 soon thereafter. For awhile I was recovering mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. I was taking some time away from being defined by IF. Although I never escaped any of this completely, I at least got to a level where I could function normally and have fun again.
My plan then was to take a 3 cycle break, hoping and praying I would be one of those lucky women that conceived miraculously after failing IVF. If my luck didn't pan out, I was going to start IVF suppression on my 3rd cycle. I'm already past that point, I'll be starting my 4th cycle very soon, probably today.
I had held off on starting any type of treatment and gave myself 1 extra cycle of trying naturally. I put all my hope and faith into it. I was excited, confident, everything fell perfectly into place, well except that I didn't conceive. At least it was a very fun month and not in vain.
To this day, I still don't know what's next but it's decision time and I need to make one fast. I've been dreading this decision. IVF, CGH, Donor Cycle, Adoption? There is no easy path, no matter which decision I make, they are all long, emotionally draining, expensive, risky paths with no guarantees. The alternate path of just giving up... well, the tears just started rolling at the thought of that, I can't even go there. To be continued...