IVF#1 - Beta

My beta is in, and I'm officially NOT pregnant!

My beta was less than 2 and the IVF nurse said that most likely the embryo didn’t develop very far and did not implant. She said the bleeding is most likely my period trying to start and that the progesterone is trying to slow it down. I’m officially done with all injections, for now. I conquered my fear of needles head on! I sent in a request for a copy of all my records. After I get that, I’ll be calling to make an appt with the doctor for a post-ivf consult. Looking back, I’m so glad I tested before the beta as it was so much easier to handle the “sorry, you’re not pregnant” phone call. I can’t imagine my devastation if I really thought I was pregnant. It’s easier to be told you’re pregnant when you thought you weren’t than to be told you’re not when you thought you were.

I'll post the results of our post-ivf consult and then I guess that will end IVF#1.

IVF#1 - Acceptance

I'm doing much better today and am in the process of accepting that this didn't work for me. I'm still spotting bright red all day long and had another negative test today. I called my IVF nurse and she said it is unusual to start your period while on progesterone, but there are those that do. I don't have the horrible cramps that go along with my cd1 AF, but I think my body is just trying to start. She also said that it's not abnormal for women to bleed and be pregnant, so I still have to go through with the beta and won't be able to stop my progesterone injections until they see a negative beta. My beta is scheduled for tomorrow but I won't get the results till Wed. Once I get the negative beta, I will have a post-IVF consult to go over everything.

Now it's time to try and take a break from all of this and let my body recover and then gear up for #2.

IVF#1 - Not a Happy Mother's Day!

Not good. Woke up to bright red bleeding this morning and a negative test. IVF robs you of being able to surprise your hubby, so I was secretly taking a test each morning in hopes of being able to surprise him before the beta, so much for that idea. I think my period is trying to start early despite being on progesterone injections. This has been the most devastating negative I've ever had. Guess it's not happy mother's day to me.

I'll be fine, it's just a hard day today.

IVF#1 - Progesterone Level

Today was my progesterone level test. They want it to be >30. Mine is >80 and they said that was excellent.

While I was there, I asked to look at my embryo report. It was worse than I realized. Remember how I only had 2 that fertilized? Well one of them never got beyond 1 cell. So out of 10 eggs, I ended with ONE slow dividing embryo. I probably could have accomplished that on a natural cycle. It really is going to take a miracle from God on this one, and maybe that's right where He wants me.

I'm feeling completely back to normal as of a couple of days ago. It's amazing that after all of those injections of high dose hormones and procedures, I can't even physically tell I did IVF. But in all honestly, I'm feeling pretty down lately. Nothing is pointing to me being pregnant and I'm struggling with being hopeful. My emotions are up and down. I want off the ride.

IVF#1 - EmBaby's First Photo

My little embie (5-cell Grade B)

The transfer ultrasound

I survived bed rest, actually enjoyed it, but 2 days is quite enough. I've been rubbing my belly and telling embie to divide and multiply, attach and implant, take a big ol' bite out of mama and hang on for dear life.

Kerry and I have pondered over the last year, God, why are you stretching us so far on this, what is it that you want us to learn from this? We think we've figured it out, He wanted us to experience the trials of infertility to over-fill our hearts with a huge compassion for those dealing with this heart breaking situation. Some day, some how, we're going to help those dealing with infertility. We don't know what that looks like right now, if it will be emotional support, financially or some other way, but we are keeping our hearts open to whatever that may be.

IVF#1 - Day 3 Transfer

I'll get right to it as I know you are anxious. Only 1 embryo survived. We transfered 1 this morning. It was 2 cells yesterday (should have been 4) and it was 5 cells today (should be 8). It was a grade B with slight fragmentation.

So now for the details....I had to arrive an hour before the transfer and was told to bring my Valium. I was also not allowed to pee 2 hrs before the transfer. We sat in the waiting room for 20 mins and I was getting really nervous as I had no idea how our embies were doing or if we even had any left. Finally the nurse comes and gets us and I ask her if I could please take the Valium now. I asked her if we had any embies left and she didn't know anything. We get to our room, I get in my gown and Kerry puts his scrubs on. I fill out paperwork and take the Valium.

The embryologist comes in and I immediately know one didn't make it because there was only one photo on her paper. We discussed the details of the eggs and sperm. She said both are not great but not bad and are just ok. So sounds like there is some egg and sperm quality issues. She said they had a hard time with Kerry's sperm as he had very few good swimmers. This explains why we never conceived naturally and why IUI would have such a low rate of success. It was unfortunate for me that I had so many immature eggs and that really hurt my chances. They had to trigger me a day too soon because my E2 levels were getting dangerous. I'm on bed rest for the next 2 days, so as soon as Kerry can get my photo scanned I'll post it.

Next I was wheeled to the operating room. They tilted the bed so my head was lower, put me in stirrups and wrapped me up in warm blankets. They brought the incubator in, looked just like a baby incubator. Kerry got to look through the microscope and see our little embie. They put the u/s on my belly and said my bladder was very full, uh yeah, I was about to bust an hour before that. They need a full bladder so that they can see the uterus and catheter on the screen, it also straightens the uterus out so the catheter doesn't have to bend. They inserted a speculum and cleaned my cervix while the embryologist loaded up the embryo into the catheter. Then they inserted the catheter through my cervix and into my uterus. It didn't hurt at all. The embryo glows on the monitor so they can see it leave the catheter. I have an u/s photo of this, I'll post it as well.

They took me back to my room and I had to lay there for another hr. 30 mins into it, I was going to bust, so I opted for the bed pan. That was a first for me. They propped it under me and then gave me some privacy. Unfortunately peeing while laying down, let's just say it doesn't go straight into the pan, it runs up your butt crack and onto your lower back, yuck! I peed forever and hubby was getting nervous that I was going to overfill it. He was a great hubby, wiped and cleaned me up. Practice for when I'm an old lady. After another 30 mins, they sent us home and I'm now on 2 days of strict bed rest.

In summary, I do have a few things against me. I had a day 3 transfer instead of a 5, I only had 1 to transfer and it's dividing slowly. But, I'm still holding out hope, it did continue to divide and maybe it will take off and catch up now that it's with its mom. OMG, I'm a mom! Come on little embie, you can do it!!! May 14 is my first beta, this will be the longest 2ww I've ever experienced. If for some reason this doesn't work out, I'm going for it again.

IVF#1 - Day 2 Embryo Report

I got my message and it stated "... regarding your embryos, unfortunately neither are growing at the rate expected. We will be moving your transfer to a 3-day transfer which will be on Fri @ 10:30am". So the good news is that they are still alive, the bad news is that they are both less than 4 cells and growing slow. They should be 4 cells by now. They want to get them in me sooner than later to give them a better chance. I'm not giving up on my little twins!!! I get to see a picture of them tomorrow morning, I'll be sure to post it.