Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Giving It My All: Interrupted

We interrupt the following program for a very crappy announcement. I'll just get right to it. Our FET has been cancelled!

Today started off as an exciting day. I finally made it to my lining check u/s. My lining has always been "beautiful" (doctor's words). So I went into the appt with full expectation of hearing the same. I first had my blood drawn to check my estradiol and then headed to the u/s room. She first did an abdominal u/s. I've become quite good at reading u/s, but this time, I didn't recognize my uterus. She then did an intra-vaginal u/s. She measured the lining in a couple of different areas, but it still didn't look familiar. I asked if there was a triple pattern and she said no, it actually looked like I was about to start my period. My heart sank.

She said she would email the u/s photos to ccrm and then I left. Half way home I couldn't contain it any longer, I burst into tears. I called my IVF nurse and she then called my local clinic and told them to run a progesterone level on the same blood. I would then wait and wait and wait some more. I lost track how many phone calls and emails I went through trying to get all the info and photos to ccrm.

6 hours after my u/s, I was still waiting, still unable to stop the tears. By now I'm nauseous. My results finally come in but my IVF nurse needed time to go over everything with Schoolie.

Here's the results:

E2: 728 (perfect, they want it > 300)
P4: 0.08 (perfect, means I did not ovulate through the drugs)
Lining Thickness: 7.9 - 9.9mm (perfect, they want it > 8)
Lining Pattern: No triple pattern (bad!)

I then received the dreaded call, I'm cancelled. Schoolie looked at the u/s photos and said there appeared to be a lot of "junk" in there and he did not want to use that lining considering what's at risk here having only 1 embryo. I agree, but that doesn't take away the extreme frustration. He wants me to get rid of this lining and start over. OMG, can I please get a break here, I am so so tired.

He really didn't have any answers as to why this happened. I wondered if it was because I only had red spotting instead of a full AF, but the nurse said that shouldn't matter. She's leaning more towards it maybe being the BCPs. She told me to take 2 progesterone suppositories 2x/day for 6 days to bring on AF and then call her when it arrives and we'll go from there. Yippee, more drugs.

I had put a lot of time into my next post on the mind, some pretty cool stuff I learned from my hypno-therapy sessions. For now it will stay a draft and I hope to share it later.

Well, I gave it my best, there was nothing I feel I could have done better. 5 weeks of drugs, acup, chiro and hypno-therapy for nothing and I have to start all over again. We are due to leave in 3 days and now I need to cancel all travel plans. I guess I need to reset my transfer counter as well, from 6 days to go to 2 months, how sad. Hang in there my little Lucky Seven, I promise I will do my best next time.


  1. Oh Jill. I've been following both your blog and updates on IVFC, and I'm so so sorry you've been cancelled! After all the hard work you've been putting in! BUT, Dr S is want to put #7 back in when everything is exactly right..he/she needs to snuggle in for 9 months! Just remember, you did everything you possible could, this is just one of those things. But it sucks all the same...

  2. Oh Jill.....this was NOT the updated I wanted to read tonight:0( Boo! I'm soooo sorry...I cannot even imagine the devastation after everything you've been thru but like Rachel need that environment to be absolutely perfect and you already know that. Hang in there......Lucky 7 isn't going anywhere and he/she will be waiting anxiously these next couple of months!!! HUGE hugs are coming your way:0-)

    love ya!

  3. Oh how horribly frustrating. Could this road be any longer? So sorry your day turned out so awful when that was the last thing you expected. :-(

  4. I'm sorry Jill. I'm really sorry! I know you were prepping so hard for this, but look at it this way. You need the absolute IDEAL environment to bring home your baby blast. I hope the next time you prep your lining, it all goes well, and you get your triple pattern and all goes well!


  5. Jill that is so frustrating. It's so difficult when you have everything set up and a a curve ball like this comes up. I am pleased though that CCRM are taking so seriously the need to ensure your environment is the best it can be for Munchkin, although I know that doesn't make things any easier for you today. You'll get there; hang in there xxx

  6. Jill
    I'm so sorry. I can only imagine your frustration! It makes no sense. Like you said, WTF with our bodies sometimes?? OK, all of the time!
    No scratch WILL get to bring home lucky seven, I'm just sorry it's not next week.

  7. Jill, I'm so sorry. I know it's a horrible disappointment. Lots of hugs.

  8. Dearst Jill,
    What a disappointing and sad emotion roller coaster you are riding. I am sad for all involved, including me, and especially for you and Kerry. No Mother wants to see their children hurting.

    Lucky 7 is waiting for you and not impatiently. I too can hardly wait for a grandchild, but the time just hasn't arrived yet. It will.

    I love you as big as the sky,

  9. This has to be heartbreaking to push back the trasnfer. Everyone above has said the most important and you were the first that the environment has to be perfect. Lucky 7 is still waiting for transfer and would tell you if he/she could, "mommy, its worth the wait, hang in there, we'll be together soon."

    We love you and will have to just wait like you are for everything to fall into place. Remember, God is in control even with this being science, and he stepped in here so you could still have your little one.

    Love you lots.
    Lyndsay, Brian, and Chase

  10. Hi Jill,
    It just seems unfair, but I believe God is in control in your process and He will lead you to act at the exact right time. Keep your spirits up because you have come this far and it will be well worth the wait! I love you and your family...take care and be well.
    With love always and a day,
    Aunt Kook xoxoxoxo

  11. Oh no!!! I'm SO sorry to hear this!

  12. Oh Jill, you have been through ENOUGH is time for you to get your lucky break!!! I am SO sorry you are being set back again. As always you are in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))

  13. That was a crappy announcement!? What more could I say..."ditto" to what everyone else has already posted...thinking of you!!

    Smiles, Heidi

  14. Oh Jill, I'm so sorry. I know how frustrating it is to feel like you have done everything right and then crap results. Sometimes I wonder if the drugs do more harm than good. Stupid BCPs! I wonder if they can use a different kind of BCP, since there are different formulations. I know you will be looking for answers. I hope Dr. Crafty can come up with something. Big hugs! I know how sucky the waiting is!

  15. JIll and Kerry

    All I can say right now is I love you both so much. So dissappointed for you and I feel your frustration after all you've been through just to get stopped so close to time to leave. Mom called me this morning and told me and I've been digesting this all morning. As Lyndsay said thank God, God is in control and Lucky 7 is still safe and ready for you when the time is perfect.
    Guess we can go back to the kiddie coaster for a little while.
    You know that no matter what you name this little one he or she will always have 7 as a nickname.

    Love you


  16. Oh, Jill! I am so, so, sad and frustrated right alongside you! How taken aback you must have been after always having a great lining. IF sucks and I am so sorry you have to wait a couple more months to go get Lucky Seven.

  17. Oh Jill, this really sucks. I'm so sorry. I wonder what happened. I, too, would think it might have something to do with no proper bleed last cycle? Who knows. Getting cancelled is just so frustrating. At least your lucky number 7 is going nowhere and will wait for Mummy to be ready. Many hugs to you. Jxxx

  18. Oh Jill, I am so very sorry. I know you are so disappointed and let down. We will be praying so much for you and Kerry and sweet little 7. I am so sorry you are going through this. Lots of hugs to you...

  19. I'm so disappointed to hear what has happened. I guess it's good that they're being conservative and not going ahead with it if it isn't perfect. And all your work over the past 5 weeks will only make you stronger and healthier next time. I know these are small consolations, though. We are all here for you and will support you through the next cycle - you aren't alone. XOXOX

  20. What a major blow! I'm so sorry! I guess it's better to wait and give #7 the best possible chance to implant.

    I'll try to give you a call sometime soon!

  21. My goodness, Jill... I can't begin to understand your disappointment, and frustration...
    My only consolation is this (because I LOVE the lucky number seven, too): if you have to push your transfer for 2 months, then that means lucky #7 will potentially be burrowing in during the month of October... and you know what that means?! A due date in JULY-- lucky number 7!!!! :0) That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
    Love and hugs to you,
    The Other Jill

  22. I am so sorry, Jill. What a huge disappointment to face right now when you are so close you can smell it. You have been preparing and going through so much to get to this point. It will happen and I'm sorry it is not now. Many hugs, sweetie.

  23. Ugh, that really sucks, I'm so sorry. I thought of you this week, and left some sticky vibes there for you. I'm sure they will still be there when you get there in a few months. Again, I'm so sorry you have to wait even longer.


  24. Jill,

    I'm sorry it has taken me a few days to chime in with a few words of support but I didn't want to rush my response to your situation.

    I know how awful it is to have a cycle cancelled. It stinks. It sucks. You feel like you were a bullet train, racing towards your destination and all of a sudden you slam into a brick wall that is too high and too wide to go around. Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe the emotions.

    I don't know if you recall, but my first cycle at CCRM was cancelled but Dr. Sch left the decision up to me which made it even more agonizing. I couldn't decide for 2 days and continued doing my $600 of meds every day just so I could keep the option open. The fact that he just went ahead and said to cancel the cycle makes me think that he feels strongly about it not being under optimal circumstances. Given that, you don't want to knowingly transfer under less than optimal circumstances so although backing away is excruciating to the extreme, it is probably the right decision.

    I personally think the BCP and your weird period screwed things up. My AF was so late after BCP it arrived right at its regularly scheduled time, as if I had never taken BCP at all. At least I knew I had a proper bleed which is what you may have been missing.

    Next time you do a FET prep, maybe you can do one without the BCP and just get tested for P4 to ensure you've ovulated an then start Lupron afterwards. You can talk to your nurse about other options since lots of people do FETs without BCP.

    After my cancelled cycle in November '08, we waited until February/March '09 to cycle again due to the December shut down and then the long lead up for the EPP protocol. However, in hindsight, it was the right decision and we can look back now and said that we did everything that we could possibly do. I would hate to see you have regrets later.

    It's tough to let the momentum go but take the additional time as an opportunity to continue to prepare your body fully and get yourself mentally prepared.

    I'm curious to know how your hypnotherapy has been going if you have time to post about about.

    Hugs - you don't deserve this delay.

  25. I've been thinking about this for a few days, and I wonder, just wonder if the ultrasound could have been wrong. I know those machines are not perfect. Maybe it wasn't your lining afterall. I seem to recall that kayjay (or was it someone else?) flew out to CCRM for a day to get her baseline done. As much of a PITA as this is, I'm wondering if you might consider this?

  26. Here from Phoebe's blog, just want to say that I am sorry

  27. Hi Jill,

    Hope you are doing ok, I've been thinking about you.

    I gave you an award over on my blog, so stop by and check it out.


Thank you for your comment! Hugs, Kerry and Jill