Just Hangin' Around...Waiting

First, I want to thank each of you for your supportive comments, emails and phone calls. It seems that when we go through trials in life, that is when we are reminded most of how loved we are. I am blessed to have so much love and support from an amazing bunch of family, friends and those I've never met. Thank you!

Well... today I should have been in Denver transferring my little #7. But instead I'm at home stuck in a waiting pattern. What's 2 more months when you've been waiting years, right? Let me tell ya, in these shoes, 2 more months seem like an eternity. If this journey has taught me one thing, you would think that would be patience. But it has not, I'm becoming more impatient. I'm tired of waiting, tired of getting so close to the front of the line only to be asked to go to the end. If only there was FastPass in this journey...


I have got to find the location of this machine and get a FastPass to #7! I did not edit this photo, it really had the #7 on it. I just googled FastPass machine and this is what popped up, how cool is that!

My friend "the other Jill" pointed out that with my transfer being pushed 2 months, I'll now be having a July baby, month 7! Yeah, a July baby, that's a wonderful thought. Kerry also pointed out we've been married 7 years. Ok, for the record, I'm totally not superstitious, but no harm in having a little fun with it, right? Anything to bring a smile to the journey.

Many of you addressed that it was better to be cancelled than risk transferring into a not so perfect environment. I couldn't agree with you more. I knew as soon as I saw no triple pattern on my u/s that I needed to cancel. I was actually terrified that CCRM would say it was ok to move forward and then I'd have to gain the strength to cancel myself when I wanted nothing more than to bring home my embaby. In the end, I'm so glad they cancelled me so I didn't have to make that decision on my own. Regardless, it very difficult to face.

I'm doing a lot better now, just dealing with a case of the impatients. Luckily I got all my money back from our travel arrangements. The eating healthy, exercising, chiro and hypno-therapy are all accumulative and will benefit me the longer I do them. It was very frustrating to dump all those synthetic hormones into my body for nothing. I'm not so sure about the acup, it didn't seem to help and cost me $510 for 6 of the 8 sessions recommended. I assume CCRM will want me to repeat the acup sessions, but I'm undecided about that. I hate the pressure of needing to do everything possible to increase your chances (even if there's no proof it works) so there's no regrets.

Some of you keyed in on the fact that it may have been the BCP and lack of AF that was the culprit. I couldn't agree more. I believe the BCP was responsible for a poorly developed lining. I assume I never fully expelled it as AF never came, just 2.5 days of red spotting. I believe that when I started the estrogen patches, I started building a lining on top of an old unstable foundation. So while it grew, it didn't develop properly. Boo BCPs!

My nurse was going to put me on the same exact protocol. I kept asking if there was anything we could do differently since it didn't work the first time. In the end, she said let's take out the BCP. I believe this will make a huge difference. Without the BCP, I'll develop a full lining which means AF should arrive in full force and not leave me wondering, is this spotting or AF?

Phoebe, you asked if the u/s could have been wrong. Oh God, wouldn't that be horrible! That thought crossed my mind heavily. Fortunately my clinic sent u/s photos to CCRM and I asked them if she was indeed measuring my lining and they said yes. That gave me peace about it.

I finished my last Crinone progesterone suppository last night. That means I'm finally drug free!!! Now I sit and wait for AF to show. Once AF shows, I'll call my nurse and get my next FET calendar. Next I'll wait to ovulate. Who knows how long that will take after all these synthetic hormones. I hope I don't have some marathon ovulation. Once I ovulate, I'll start Lupron and wait for another AF. Lupron is notorious for making AF late, wonderful, more waiting! Once AF shows, I'll start estrogen patches on cd3 and continue for 16 days. I then have the big u/s, will there be a triple lining??? You betcha there will be!!!

I know some of you are anxious to hear about the hypno-fertility sessions. I'll try to finish them up and get them posted soon.