Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Just Hangin' Around...Waiting

First, I want to thank each of you for your supportive comments, emails and phone calls. It seems that when we go through trials in life, that is when we are reminded most of how loved we are. I am blessed to have so much love and support from an amazing bunch of family, friends and those I've never met. Thank you!

Well... today I should have been in Denver transferring my little #7. But instead I'm at home stuck in a waiting pattern. What's 2 more months when you've been waiting years, right? Let me tell ya, in these shoes, 2 more months seem like an eternity. If this journey has taught me one thing, you would think that would be patience. But it has not, I'm becoming more impatient. I'm tired of waiting, tired of getting so close to the front of the line only to be asked to go to the end. If only there was FastPass in this journey...

I have got to find the location of this machine and get a FastPass to #7! I did not edit this photo, it really had the #7 on it. I just googled FastPass machine and this is what popped up, how cool is that!

My friend "the other Jill" pointed out that with my transfer being pushed 2 months, I'll now be having a July baby, month 7! Yeah, a July baby, that's a wonderful thought. Kerry also pointed out we've been married 7 years. Ok, for the record, I'm totally not superstitious, but no harm in having a little fun with it, right? Anything to bring a smile to the journey.

Many of you addressed that it was better to be cancelled than risk transferring into a not so perfect environment. I couldn't agree with you more. I knew as soon as I saw no triple pattern on my u/s that I needed to cancel. I was actually terrified that CCRM would say it was ok to move forward and then I'd have to gain the strength to cancel myself when I wanted nothing more than to bring home my embaby. In the end, I'm so glad they cancelled me so I didn't have to make that decision on my own. Regardless, it very difficult to face.

I'm doing a lot better now, just dealing with a case of the impatients. Luckily I got all my money back from our travel arrangements. The eating healthy, exercising, chiro and hypno-therapy are all accumulative and will benefit me the longer I do them. It was very frustrating to dump all those synthetic hormones into my body for nothing. I'm not so sure about the acup, it didn't seem to help and cost me $510 for 6 of the 8 sessions recommended. I assume CCRM will want me to repeat the acup sessions, but I'm undecided about that. I hate the pressure of needing to do everything possible to increase your chances (even if there's no proof it works) so there's no regrets.

Some of you keyed in on the fact that it may have been the BCP and lack of AF that was the culprit. I couldn't agree more. I believe the BCP was responsible for a poorly developed lining. I assume I never fully expelled it as AF never came, just 2.5 days of red spotting. I believe that when I started the estrogen patches, I started building a lining on top of an old unstable foundation. So while it grew, it didn't develop properly. Boo BCPs!

My nurse was going to put me on the same exact protocol. I kept asking if there was anything we could do differently since it didn't work the first time. In the end, she said let's take out the BCP. I believe this will make a huge difference. Without the BCP, I'll develop a full lining which means AF should arrive in full force and not leave me wondering, is this spotting or AF?

Phoebe, you asked if the u/s could have been wrong. Oh God, wouldn't that be horrible! That thought crossed my mind heavily. Fortunately my clinic sent u/s photos to CCRM and I asked them if she was indeed measuring my lining and they said yes. That gave me peace about it.

I finished my last Crinone progesterone suppository last night. That means I'm finally drug free!!! Now I sit and wait for AF to show. Once AF shows, I'll call my nurse and get my next FET calendar. Next I'll wait to ovulate. Who knows how long that will take after all these synthetic hormones. I hope I don't have some marathon ovulation. Once I ovulate, I'll start Lupron and wait for another AF. Lupron is notorious for making AF late, wonderful, more waiting! Once AF shows, I'll start estrogen patches on cd3 and continue for 16 days. I then have the big u/s, will there be a triple lining??? You betcha there will be!!!

I know some of you are anxious to hear about the hypno-fertility sessions. I'll try to finish them up and get them posted soon.


  1. Jill, just a quick note... I did acu for my IVF and I didn't get pg. I did not do acu for the FET, and I got pg. Go figure...

    Anyway, I will try to give you a call tomorrow if I get a free moment!

  2. You sound soooo positive despite everything that is going on and I'm VERY proud of you. Now hurry up AF and get here so we can get this show on the road!


  3. I love your attitude, Jill, and your ability to find that silver lining (bad pun not intended). I hope all your next steps are uneventful with no surprises. It's time to bring #7 home!

  4. I love all the references to #7 - July delivery! I'm glad you have a plan. At least that helps with the disappointment.

  5. My doc said the acupuncture was more for the brain/body connection more than the brain in his opinion. But like football players say, do what you have to do so you leave it all on the field when the game's over.

    And no, waiting never gets easier. Patience is for fertile people. :)

  6. Haven't you noticed? That fastpass Machine is at the entrance to our coasters (only the really good ones).
    Don't forget who also has a July BD....ME. So that's what we're waiting for, would be great to share the same BD with a niece/nephew.

    Love ya


  7. Sounds like a good plan, and you are sounding pretty good with it all. I'm glad. I think all this patience and waiting prepares us to be the best parents we can be. And you'll be greatest one!!

  8. Honestly, about the acupuncture, I've heard that if you need extra bloodflow, it is great for the weeks before transfer. If not, it only seems beneficial before and immediately after transfer (and even that is contested by the acupuncturist I used here). For me, I tried it on previous cycles before but I typically have too much bloodflow so think it was actually bad for me in the long run. Just some thoughts.

    I'm sorry you have to wait. I am so impatient too. I thought I could learn to take things day by day...but the waiting always drove me nuts. Stay busy and active:-)

  9. Ugh, the waiting has got to be the worst! But like you said, better to have everything perfect...and I'm glad they listened to you and switched things up! Hoping that is all you need!

  10. I am so glad you are ditching the BCPs this time and that you spoke up with your nurse about it. It pays to be your own advocate, that is for sure!

    I have been thinking of you all morning long. I don't know why but you just keep coming back into my head. I keep thinking that your Lucky #7 is going to be well worth the wait. GL Jill! I am rooting for you and Lucky #7 (and Kerry too!:))

  11. I am a strong advocate for acupuncture...but with the right practitioner and you've got to see/feel a difference. I bounced around with 4 different practitioners until I finally found the one that I actually saw changes with but before that, I had done acupuncture with most of my cycles with no discernable differences. I say if you feel better after you've done it and there is a traditional chinese medicine reason to continue the treatment (i.e. I have blood stagnation), than continue. If not, than stop.

    I hear you too about the impatiently waiting part. And to think that we thought the 2ww was bad eh? Now it's the 2 month wait isn't it? But, it is all good in that you have the opportunity to try again and get an optimal lining and I am so glad you spoke up and got a change to your FET. It always pays to be your own advocate and if nothing else, this whole thing has taught us to use our voices.

  12. Hey Jill I don't know if you remember me from VRSG; it may have been a while since you've been on there. I just wanted you to know that you haven't been forgotten, that I check on you here several times a week, and I keep praying for you, Kerry and your lucky #7! You have no idea how sorry I am that the timing had to be pushed back, but it sounds like it will give you a huge boost to do so. Thinking of you always, and praying for you guys constantly.

    Love from,

  13. Wow...I'm blown away yet again by your incredible faith. I love you and will not forgive myself for my sporatic support. Mom2

  14. HI...
    Just try and remember that #7 is waiting patiently for that perfect invironment!!! I know you are doing all you can to make that happen! With God's help it will become a reality. You are in my thoughts and prayers, as always. I love you as big as the sky...and then some. Mama


Thank you for your comment! Hugs, Kerry and Jill